Oh...Hello...

Yeesh.  It has been way.too.long since I've last written.  I was just thinking about my sad little blog a couple days ago and how it's been a while since I've actually even visited the site, let alone contemplated writing another post.

We've just been so.dang.busy.  I love me some holiday-goodness, but me-oh-my is it exhausting.  I was able to take vacation at work (because Christmas and New Year's fell on Tuesdays, I would have only had to work 3 days, but I decided to take them off; you just can't beat an 11-day vacation for the price of 3 days!), and I told myself I'd be able to catch up on A LOT.  Well that just did not happen.

When Jeremy wasn't working, we were running around visiting with family and treating ourselves to more holiday spoils.  When he was working, I was hanging out with my family, caring for a puppy who had just been snipped (nothing says MERRY CHRISTMAS like getting neutered) ... oh, did I forget to mention that we are now a 3 dog household?  Because we are.  Sometimes I ask myself why we thought adding a third dog was a good idea, but they're just too precious (and they've allowed me to further put off the idea of children; I just ain't ready!).

The babies - Stella (2, chihuahua) is on the left and our newest addition, Tucker (6 months, jug) is on the right.

Our old man Gambit (9, lab/golden retriever mix).  He's officially the least of our worries (except for his rare fudge-butt episodes ... wait, was that TMI?)

To top off the insanity that was the end of December, I was just in some kind of funk that I couldn't shake.  I've never experienced depression before, but I think it's safe to say that I did during the last few months of 2012.  December was a rough month all-around for me, from being self-conscious (more so than usual anyway) of my appearance/weight, to being stressed about grad school and work, to seeing an ex-friend of mine who hurt me more than she may ever know (and thus, bringing back really sad, sad feelings for me during an event that has been a much anticipated family tradition of ours since I was a very little girl). 

Oh man was December rough.  And I knew it.  But after talking to Jeremy just before New Year's, he told me that he's been aware of the funk I've been in since about October.  It made me really sad to think that not only was I depressed for so long, but that I didn't fully realize it.  Nor did I realize how it was affecting my husband.  My rock.  The person who ALWAYS has my back and my best interests in mind.  I decided during that conversation with Jeremy that I needed to change, not just for me, but for him.  For our marriage.  For my family.  And for everyone around me.  And I knew by changing that I couldn't just [pretend] to be happy all the time.  I need to understand how good God has been to me.  How much I have to be thankful for EVERYDAY.  How beautiful my life is.  I need to cherish every precious aspect of my life because it is, in fact, a precious thing.  I don't want to waste my life being sad over NOTHING.  I can change the way I look - I can exercise, I can change my eating habits, etc. etc.  I have a job and a steady income.  I have a beautiful home, a wonderful husband, and three hilariously awesome pups.  And I have my family - they're so supportive and uplifting and gracious and helpful and and and.  How can I possibly justify being sad/down when I have these things?

With that said, I've made a couple private resolutions (that I haven't even shared with my husband) that will hopefully force me to focus on these things and help me find the real, true, genuine happiness I've been lacking.  Here's to 2013.  A new year, a new start; hopefully a new found drive to blog more ... BRING IT ON!